Today I stumbled onto another particular ‘blog’. I can see there are some REALLY discouraged and hurting young women out there…HERE'S WHAT I WROTE IN RESPONSE...
I just wanted to share that I do believe there are GOOD MEN out there. Men who love God and who love their families. Sometimes, as in my case, us women don’t always recognize them or don’t ALWAYS appreciate their seemingly “plainness” compared to ‘prince charmings’ that might try to command more of our attention (I am referring to the dating stage and seeing who is avail. as a potential spouse).
I starting getting to know my husband in a children’s minstry situation (quite unintended but we both ‘happened’ to work on the same project in my neighbourhood). I was a single mom of two boys (from different biological fathers) and DID NOT want another relationship with a man…unless it was from God…and I wanted insight from others in my life FIRST concerning this CRUCIAL decision. (insight from my parents and spiritual leaders at church…so I didn’t end up where I was before swooning over some ‘prince’).
My husband had never dated before (let’s say he never used to dress to attract any attention from the ladies.. to be polite) and he was quiet, hard working, attended church regulary and lived a ‘plain’ and quite ‘ordinary’ life. He was faithful with money (we paid over 25% down on our home when we married), was very thrifty (later I have come to resent that at times-HAH!), and is very even-keel with his emotions (can be frustrating when you are trying to be romantic). I point these aspects out to re-iterate sometimes the things we get attracted to (like the excitement, emotionalism, thrills and ‘frills’ men present sometimes during the dating stage) can lead us to relationships that potentially will have more issues in marriage due to lack of character in our spouse. (or us)
I really feel for women who have made a choice that maybe was a bit irrational or emotional for their husband. I didn’t marry either one of the fathers of my 2 older sons but I did have a very emotional (rollercoaster) relationship with each one of them. It was very detrimental to my emotional health and spiritual well being. After pregnant with my secondborn I came to the point where I chose to repent and follow God/Christ. I thought, well if (my ex at the time) he wants to come along for the ride then great! and if not…well then I can do this
5 years after my marriage vows to my husband I must tell you….. I realize more and more that he has been such a blessing to me & the kids. However things still have not been ALL roses. I think we expect, at times, too much of others in their character and not enough from ourselves. At least this is what I have done often. In my marriage we have fought…and had seasons where I thought this is never going to end! There was a time period (not long ago) that I wanted to walk out on him……Huh? what you say??!! Divorce the man who has all the above wonderful traits? But you know what? After time we can all tend to take people for granted. Being thrifty can be seen as cheap and thoughtless. Being plain and unemotional can be seen as uncaring/unloving…and so forth. Recently God has shown me through various avenues to enjoy the life He has given me (including my ‘ordinary’ husband), ask Him for direction each step and obey His leading. Enjoying my marriage isn’t always easy PERIOD. Even with a ‘good’ man! But I’m sure God will give us the grace each day as we ask Him. (or wisdom to know what to do in each specific situation).
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