Wednesday, November 11, 2009

If you're looking for Mr. Right...

Today I stumbled onto another particular ‘blog’. I can see there are some REALLY discouraged and hurting young women out there…HERE'S WHAT I WROTE IN RESPONSE...


I just wanted to share that I do believe there are GOOD MEN out there. Men who love God and who love their families. Sometimes, as in my case, us women don’t always recognize them or don’t ALWAYS appreciate their seemingly “plainness” compared to ‘prince charmings’ that might try to command more of our attention (I am referring to the dating stage and seeing who is avail. as a potential spouse).
I starting getting to know my husband in a children’s minstry situation (quite unintended but we both ‘happened’ to work on the same project in my neighbourhood). I was a single mom of two boys (from different biological fathers) and DID NOT want another relationship with a man…unless it was from God…and I wanted insight from others in my life FIRST concerning this CRUCIAL decision. (insight from my parents and spiritual leaders at church…so I didn’t end up where I was before swooning over some ‘prince’).
My husband had never dated before (let’s say he never used to dress to attract any attention from the ladies.. to be polite) and he was quiet, hard working, attended church regulary and lived a ‘plain’ and quite ‘ordinary’ life. He was faithful with money (we paid over 25% down on our home when we married), was very thrifty (later I have come to resent that at times-HAH!), and is very even-keel with his emotions (can be frustrating when you are trying to be romantic). I point these aspects out to re-iterate sometimes the things we get attracted to (like the excitement, emotionalism, thrills and ‘frills’ men present sometimes during the dating stage) can lead us to relationships that potentially will have more issues in marriage due to lack of character in our spouse. (or us)
I really feel for women who have made a choice that maybe was a bit irrational or emotional for their husband. I didn’t marry either one of the fathers of my 2 older sons but I did have a very emotional (rollercoaster) relationship with each one of them. It was very detrimental to my emotional health and spiritual well being. After pregnant with my secondborn I came to the point where I chose to repent and follow God/Christ. I thought, well if (my ex at the time) he wants to come along for the ride then great! and if not…well then I can do this
5 years after my marriage vows to my husband I must tell you….. I realize more and more that he has been such a blessing to me & the kids. However things still have not been ALL roses. I think we expect, at times, too much of others in their character and not enough from ourselves. At least this is what I have done often. In my marriage we have fought…and had seasons where I thought this is never going to end! There was a time period (not long ago) that I wanted to walk out on him……Huh? what you say??!! Divorce the man who has all the above wonderful traits? But you know what? After time we can all tend to take people for granted. Being thrifty can be seen as cheap and thoughtless. Being plain and unemotional can be seen as uncaring/unloving…and so forth. Recently God has shown me through various avenues to enjoy the life He has given me (including my ‘ordinary’ husband), ask Him for direction each step and obey His leading. Enjoying my marriage isn’t always easy PERIOD. Even with a ‘good’ man! But I’m sure God will give us the grace each day as we ask Him. (or wisdom to know what to do in each specific situation).

Sunday, November 8, 2009

An All-Inclusive Plan

To whom it may concern,

I am writing this letter today to share with you part of my life story, and to share why I have come to believe that EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON EARTH HAS A DIVINE PURPOSE. Now, I do realize that many people never get an opportunity to fully live it out. Many others don't take advantage of that opportunity either. But I have become fully convinced by God that every life given to us; each person on earth, no matter what their status now or to come (emotional, mental, physical), has a special purpose in mind by God.

Let me share some personal stories with you...

My firstborn came into being quite "unexpectedly". I was dating a man and it was a very unstable relationship. I was studying in my first year at university to become a teacher...when all of a sudden I took ill around exam time...

Later on I would discover that I was pregnant, and further along in the journey I would find out that the biological father wasn't able to fulfill his parental role. This child was 'expected to ruin my chances of finishing my schooling and ultimately damage my whole career'. I was advised by the university health staff to think about what I was doing... they even gave me a paper describing the abortion procedure with contact info for the clinic. I felt very confused and alone. Worse still I realized I had been using substances and heavily drinking all while not knowing I was pregnant! I had thoughts of what kind of life this child would have...where would we get the income to survive...how would I finish school...would this child be healthy and live a normal life???


Long story short is that I kept the baby and he is now 9 years old...plays the piano very well...loves to draw..and socialize with all different sorts of people. He is very naturally polite and thoughtful. Many elderly people enjoy his company because of his great communication skills for his age. In short he has been a blessing and enriched our lives!

My second born came only 16 months later! I had been a bit depressed after the birth of my first child and didn't wait very long before entering another unhealthy relationship. I was hoping he would fulfill my desires for unconditional love & acceptance. I also was very insecure about being a single mom and wanted desperately to eventually find a husband. We got very 'serious'...too quickly. Then I found I was pregnant again... so here I was in another unstable relationship and I knew I could not possibly take good care of soon to be TWO children, let alone one!

 I did think about adoption..abortion probably would have made 'sense' in a situation like mine. In the end I kept my second born and he is now 8 years old...and let me tell you a bit about him...he is very articulate...very creative and science oriented...and is such a people person with his antics. It's because of him we meet many complete strangers during regular everyday activities. He also has proven to be a blessing in my life!

My third born came a few years later. At this point I had re-dedicated my life to Jesus Christ, started regularly attending church, finished my university degree as a single mom with 2 children, and moved into a beautiful townhome. I had met a wonderful young man at church through some social activities and we married in 2004.

We wanted a large family so right after the marriage we were anticipating getting pregnant. The next year we had a little girl. She is such a sparkling jewel. However during the pregnancy we were told she had an increased risk of having Down's Syndrome based on our ultrasound. We were asked if we wanted further testing. I read the statistics for the testing. There is a small chance with the tests available of accidentally causing miscarriage. We both decided that despite the fact she might have a disability we would be content with our baby no matter what the risks. We also asked our church to join us in praying for this child and pregnancy as it was a time of pressure, confusion, and potential to be very fearful. When our child was born we were again asked if we wanted testing done and we said no. To update you: she is a little rambuntious and very joyful 4 year old who loves to follow her older brothers around. She has a great disposition and most of all loves to be read to. She does not have Down's Syndrome. However, (A FOOTNOTE) we have since become involved with a small group associated with our local church. This group ministers to women who have various disabilities. One of the women has Down's Syndrome and works as a personal support worker and drives her (nicer than ours!) car around. She is a pleasure to be around and I have personally seen that all fears about Down's Syndrome are not well founded.

Our fourth child came 2 years ago and we were blessed with another energetic boy! So I am outnumbered!!! This child was 'planned' but somehow I forgot that detail when I went through my pregnancy. Without boring you with ALL the details I became so fatigued (physically and emotionally) with this pregnancy that I became very depressed. I was very volatile with my husband, children and generally lost a lot of interest in being around friends. When I was around friends I hid my true feelings/struggles. I even hit a point of sheer desperation during the pregnancy where circumstances kept mounting up.....and up... in our personal lives and marriage also... that I secretly hoped I would lose the baby and end my pregnancy. I feel much remorse about that time. I remember lying in bed thinking about running away from it all...
   But I thank the grace of God that I did get some help & counsel if you will. I did feel completely better after I delivered so I have to blame (in part) some of the hormonal processes during pregnancy. I do realize much more now that I'm out of that 'pit'. One thing that I realize is that I had held onto some unnecessary unforgiveness during that time that opened the door for negative thoughts to come in & grow much stronger. I honestly found that particular pregnancy probably the hardest on my mind/body.

 To update: our fourth born is a very outgoing, personable, talkative 2 year old. He is a joy at our church for others to play with. He makes me smile or laugh at least once a day. I know that God has a great plan for his life as well!

What about you? What child/person do you see around you that you think doesn't have a divine purpose? Do you know that you were divinely placed here on earth by God? (See Psalm 139) I want to see each person that touches my path as a person that is valuable not because of what she/he can do for me or others, but because of WHO has made that person in His image. More on this another time...

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Stress!!!

Does any other mothers feel like they try to do too much in one day? Or try to "be" too much to too many people? Or even try to have: too many friends, too many commitments and and too many goals? This morning I found myself WAY too busy and it was my own fault! No one else to blame....but myself (even my hubby couldn't be my scapegoat this morn).

You see...I had an enjoyable time with two other mothers and their children over at our house this morning. That wasn't the issue. It was me trying to clean (or should I say..OVERHAUL) my home before and after they left..It was me trying to phone people on my "to call" list and email/facebook people on my "to contact" list before and after....Okay I am just going to confess it: life is too complicated without me trying to have unrealistic expectations of myself. I am a stay at home mother and MY HOUSE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE IMMACULATE! I might not get to EVERYTHING on my to-do list. There now...I said it and I feel better already :) Lots of love to all the other mothers out there fighting the dustbunnies and turning off their answering machines....

Rachael D.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The Beginning

Hello there!

I started this blog originally because I am a stay-at-home mom and I want to connect to others of you out there who also stay home with children. I originally entitled my blog "Diaries of a DESPERATE housewife" (later title changed) because I've come to ONE conclusion as a mom of almost 10 years...I cannot do this on my own! No way and no how! Parenting is a difficult mountain that I am climbing everyday and sometimes I feel my feet slipping beneath me!! (being a bit dramatic but if you have children at home you may appreciate my illustration)
However, through all my victories and valleys ultimately it has only been my faith in God and the reality that Jesus Christ has made in my life that has helped me not to topple over the edge. Other factors help too...such as family, friends, and for us a great church and school..But wait a minute...if you're not a christian don't shut me out (PLEASE!).... Just because I'm a christian don't think I don't have 'raw' moments or emotions that I will share that you will be able to relate to in some way or another....I want to demonstrate over the coming 'blogs' that we all have so much in common as mothers....as women...and most of all as people! I hope to, sometime in the near future, share my life story and how I got to this point (that will be interesting...)

For the time being,

Rachael D.

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