Tuesday, March 19, 2013

I had done the unforgivable...



With Easter fast approaching, I have started a mini-series to explain, for this gal, what it truly means to me...

And if you missed the first entry you can find it here:
In that blog entry I shared my journey to forgive those who had deeply hurt me.

Today I venture into different waters...

I want to share how the cross affected my view of myself, and more specifically, how the cross enabled me to forgive myself... for things I had done (past, present, and I can only be sure there'll be things in the future)


When I was a young girl I know that I got myself in to trouble. Often.

I was always the curious sort, and so I loved to explore. Getting lost in a store while shopping with an adult...moseying on around the neighborhood, and getting out of  my 'allowable' areas...getting into things I found at home that I shouldn't touch...getting bored in the classroom and writing love letters (that were later confiscated by the teacher!)....yep, I was a bit of a character to parent :)

As I grew, so did my 'wrong list'. Staying out later than curfew. Lying to my parents.
Talking behind my friends' backs. 

Teenage years were even worse...

lust.
substances.
self-harm.
disrespect of others.
uncontrolled anger.


I don't think I plotted to do these things. Life just seemed to happen. The more life continued on its ruthless path, I just seemed to spiral farther and farther out of control.

I can say for the most part, I don't remember really caring about all the wrong things I did. They seemed normal at the time. Acceptable. Justifiable.

I mean I wasn't hurting anyone...was I?

As my teenage years continued there was a family that came into my life. They never seemed to leave actually. Weaving in and out of my familiar circles. They invited me over for dinners. They prayed for me, when I allowed it. They invited me to church. They never once scolded me, that I can recall.

One time they paid for me to go to a youth conference. I wasn't even sure what that was, but I sure enjoyed the music, the people, the hotel we stayed at...the message: well, I thought it was a little religious for me.

But by the end of the weekend something was beginning to transpire in my heart.

I wanted what these 'weird' people around me all had...peace...joy...and they sure seemed to have the ability to reach out to others in love. Unselfishness.

Eventually, many years later...I would surrender my life to Jesus Christ. To that cross I'd always seen kicking around this time of year, I now began to appreciate the work of it. 

What He had done for me. 
That He had taken my punishment. 
That He had died for my sin. 
That He had loved me enough to give His life. 
That He loved me just where I was.

When I first came to the cross, the shadow of my past wrong-doings hit me like a ton of bricks in the face. I felt condemned...not worthy...and then when I first started attending church consistently, I struggled over & over again to forgive myself.

One day I would read these words that radically changed my life:

" Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:The old has gone, the new is here!"
2 Corinthians 5:17



I truly was a new person. My past had been wiped away clean in His eyes...and that was all that mattered.


***If you are struggling to forgive yourself for something that you deem unforgivable, please don't hesitate to ask Him to help you. You can pray the simplest of prayers, and ask Jesus to forgive you of everything you've ever done wrong. Done in sincerity, it's truly that simple.

"Song: At the Cross by Hillsong"



27 comments:

  1. Aren't we thankful that He loves us right where we are! Thank you for sharing. I visited from the Soli Deo Gloria Link Up.

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    1. Yes!! Very thankful. So glad you could come over & visit :)

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  2. Rach,
    What a lovely post - and it is awesome that no matter what our past - Christ is only concerned with the NOW - are we with Him NOW. So thanking Him for finding you and leading you to the cross and salvation. Thanking Him too for doing so for me as well. And praying for my family to be led to seek Jesus.
    Blessings,
    Janis

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    1. I hear you, praying for many people in my life to experience that same freedom...thanks so much for sharing your heart :)

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  3. Living under "no condemnation" can sometimes be a hard concept to grasp as a new Christian. I think so many of our wounded hearts take time to really open up to the Lord to receive that grace and mercy He offers. Beautiful testimony sister!

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    1. Thanks Rachael! No more condemnation in Christ.

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  4. I'm linked next to you at Making Your Home Sing Mondays at momstheword, and just wanted to say hi. What a beautiful, moving testimony! We have a great Savior indeed.

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    1. Thanks Amy for stopping by! I just found that link-up and really enjoying it :)

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  5. Isn't it wonderful that Jesus loves us "NO matter what?" He takes what we were and makes us into somebody new that never before existed. A new creation for sure. Thanks for sharing this awesome story at "Tell me a Story."

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    1. Yes!! It is the best news I have ever received :)
      Thanks for stopping by.

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  6. What a beautiful testimony! Aren't we glad we have a Savior who forgives completely?! Yet sometimes we act as if it's only a partial forgiveness and as if we have to make up for the rest of it ourselves.

    I love that verse and the part where it says "the old is gone." That means we need to let it go!

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    1. It's true! We can never make up for our shortfalls...from the past or into the future.
      Thanks for stopping by :)

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    2. I'm so excited that you joined us for "Making Your Home Sing Monday!" Thank you so much for linking up! :)

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  7. Hi Rachael, Great testimony. God is so gracious with us.
    God bless
    Tracy

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  8. I have come to believe that we are closest to God when we see most clearly our own sins. Then we really know who He is. You have clearly done that and it is still fresh. A very healthy place to be. Isaiah did the same.

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    1. Thanks so much for sharing Mrs. P. I agree with you :)

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  9. As always a very good message! Thank you for linking up with the Inspired Wednesday link up.

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    1. Really enjoy your link-up!! Thanks for hosting it :)

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  10. Beautiful and inspiring, thank you for sharing

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    1. You're welcome! Thanks for stopping by :)

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  11. Wonderful message. I'm a lot like you. Thank the Lord for being so forgiving and saving us!! Thank you so much for linking up with past Aloha Friday Blog Hops!! I'm just now getting around to following everyone back. I've followed you via GFC & Bloglovin. If you have time, I hope you follow me back if you haven't already!!

    The new Aloha Friday Blog Hop launches Thursday evening and we are hosting a GREAT giveaway!!! Come and check it out tomorrow! Aloha Friday Blog Hop HERE!

    Aloha,

    Jean {What Jean Likes}

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    1. Yes! Totally agree :)
      Thanks for the follow back and I'll keep my eyes peeled for the new blog hop...

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  12. Amen! Praise God He WANTS to forgive it ALL! I have enjoyed reading "your story"!

    Thanks for linking up with What He's Done Wednesday...

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    1. Yes!! Thanks Sarah for your encouragement :)

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  13. Thanks for all of your awesome posts! We've nominated you for the Liebster Award! Keep up the awesome work. http://coffeewithus3.blogspot.com/2013/03/liebster-award.html

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    1. Thanks Jamie!!

      I am on to check out the award :)

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