A Marriage Post: Learning Through Our Mistakes

I've been married for just over eight years...& I have to admit, we've had some pretty AMAZING seasons as a married couple!

However, that being said, we've also been through a myriad of trials...hardships...and overall challenging circumstances....I'm sure like 100% of other married couples.

If I could sit down with a young girl, about to enter into the lifelong commitment of marriage, and she asked for my advice...although I realize there are people WAY  more qualified to answer her questions, I could still share some principles that I've learned through my marriage.

Most of them I've actually learned through mistakes...

But...mistakes can become lifelong teachers if we allow them to.

So without further adieu I want to share with you:

***FIVE principles that will lead to a successful marriage:

1) You are NOT always right!!!

You may think you're RIGHT in a given 'discussion', but you may not be. Later knowledge that you become privy to may prove you actually to be in the wrong. Nonetheless, even if you are 'right', it is much more productive to focus on positive communication, and maintaining unity.

2) Get a LONG-TERM perspective!

Some situations require decisive changes...and others simply time & prayer! There have been some very distressing circumstances where I've felt like "things are NEVER ever going to change!!"...yet, 2 weeks, or 2 months, or even a year later, things can totally turn around. We need to watch our decision making in a time of testing. One wise person I know has said, "Don't make any major decisions when you are sitting in the dark."

3) Selfishness is the greatest killer of intimacy!

Not just physical, but emotional, and again affects the unity between a couple. Learn to serve one another. Serving one another breaks down 'walls' faster than any other activity I've found!

4) Be on guard for bitterness!

Bitterness is another destroyer of intimacy in a couple. If your spouse has hurt you (and believe me, you will hurt one another! Sometimes, & often, quite unintentionally) you need to choose to forgive. Forgiveness brings great healing, and although it takes humility, it will result in a stronger marriage. Of course deeper hurts may require outside trusted parties to give unbiased advice and support.
(***note: abuse & infidelity are much more serious, and will require more drastic measures to see if the marriage can be repaired. Those topics are beyond my scope of discussion today)

5) Learn to simply ENJOY one another!

Sometimes, life can be so busy, so serious, and so overwhelmingly stressful that we forget just how to 'play' together. Sometimes, we just need to learn how to sit together & enjoy one another's company. I have totally been guilty of NOT doing this! For us, with the very busy season of life we're both in, we need to schedule time for: date nights, short weekends getaways, and evenings alone. 

There you have it; that's the advice I would give a soon-to-be married young woman.

Question for the comments: if you've been married for any length of time, what have you found beneficial to the growth of your relationship?