Monday, March 9, 2015

Five Myths About Large Families

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Five Myths About Large Families

and what I know other large families hear often as well.

We realize not everyone is going to agree
with our choice to have a large family.

Today, I want to discuss some common myths floating out there
about us larger families.

you may find yourself chuckling as you read them
Or perhaps cringing!

If you are NOT part of a large family,
feel free to 'test' yourself. To see how many 
myths you may be believing.

& please read this post with an open mind :)

Many of these myths are simply by-products of a culture that has chosen
to see children (or at least TOO many of them) as burdens in general.

While this century has large families being created in all sorts of ways
(step & blended families, by fostering & adoption, living with kin, etc.),
the negative stereotypes-I don't believe-are representative of the majority.

Let me assure you, that no matter what challenges us large families face,

Large Family Myths

Myth Number Uno --> That we have NO idea how this happens!

In the words of a fellow large family Mama, 
"I get tired of being treated like I am ignorant of birth control."

Trust me, we DO know how this happens.
& it is not due to ignorance that causes our large families to occur.

Personal convictions do vary around birth control, for certain.

But the MAIN reason we have a large family?

 There's a desire to have lots of children in the first place.
Most of us really do enjoy children & feel that it is part of our calling.

It doesn't get more complicated than that.

Myth Number Two --> That we are trying to outdo the Duggars 
& vying for our own reality TV show!

I love the Duggars.
In all honestly I think they're an absolutely amazing family, 
BUT I am not trying to copy them. 

& that is the same sentiment that I hear from other large families: we are
not wanting any more attention than we already receive, least of all
a live TV show!

That goes for people thinking we are all: 
of a particular religious bent, part of some fanatical cult OR 
members of a elite secret society....laughing out loud here!

Simply. Not. True.

Myth Number Three --> That are children are really part of a secret plot
 to break the labour laws of our land. Think mini slaves.

I will admit that I do want my children to learn a good work ethic.

& I DO expect them all to contribute to the 
household tasks (age appropriate & scheduled around: their schooling, 
extra-curriculars & & all the fun they create daily!)

Side note: I have never been more tired than since I've had children.
Never more exhausted in the morning when I wake up,
and before I head off to bed.

I do have a loving husband that helps out as much as he can.
I do have loving friends, church family, extended family
that also offer their support, where they can.

I know I am more fortunate than most.

However, the brunt of the child care is MY responsibility
& I don't take that lightly.

I know that my large family friends feel the same way.
We find what works for us, and do it over & over again.

Routines can be life savers in a large family!

We strive for a family that cooperates & works well together;
building essential skills that will one day serve our kids well in their adulthood.

Myth Number Four --> That we can't possibly love & 
give adequate care to that many children!

This one screams to me of ignorance.

When in reality, families of ANY size 
could be accused of not giving adequate love/care
to their children. 

Abandoned babies, neglected and abused children, unwanted
ones...these are all symptoms of a broken society & (very often) hurting hearts.

But let me ask you, do these symptoms occur ONLY in large families?
Only in those with more than say 3 or 4 kids in their care?

We all know that simply isn't true.

Or perhaps, more adequately, how CAN a mother possibly give
enough love & attention to each of her children? Or a father for that matter?

Often large families are that way due to strong moral values. 
Strong surrounding communities.
Strong marriages. A strong belief & premium on the sanctity of life.

I realize that isn't always the case, but I have met & interacted with far
more of the positive large family examples than anything else.

Also, love isn't simply giving individual attention each & everyday 
(although many of us purposely do that), but about an environment

It's about doing what's best for each member of the family, while 
taking into account the family unit as a whole.

In essence: us large families do the VERY SAME THINGS
that smaller families do. Just perhaps a little bit more often :)

& Lastly, Myth Number Five --> That we are all super moms! We have it all together.

Since we have so many children, 
we must think we are 'better' than other Mamas, more put together, 
more organized, & overall more worthy of the Matriarch title.

I have met so many amazing Mamas over the years.

One close friend has one child, and another...ten.
Both of them I consider to be loving & caring moms.

One thing that we all have in common: we are flawed people
who fight self doubt regularly. 

We are all women 
That goes for ALL of us Mamas. 

All parents.

Taking it one day at a time. Doing our very best.


I want to share a few more quotes from some fellow large family Mamas on this very myth:

"I must be a saint. Myth. Busted."

"That I'm some kind of superwoman. I really don't want to be seen
as anything other than a normal Mom, like everyone else."

"I get the super mom comment a lot. It makes me feel strange because I don't 
feel like I'm doing anything that any other Mama wouldn't do"

So really, people, us larger families are not much different than your own.

Sure we may drive a slightly bigger (& used) vehicle, have a larger grocery bill....and perhaps 
even wear matching coloured outfits whilst on outings (*I don't do this, but I think it's a great idea!), 

We have WAY more in common with other families

 than an outsider would think.

& did you miss these posts?

 large families parenting

 large family parenting

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  1. Love this! I have 5 children as well, and the comments...oh those comments! It's gotten to the point where my eyes glaze over when strangers start with their comments b/c I've just heard it so much. I will say that most of the time, comments are made to me in a positive manner. Even the comments about knowing how this happened, it's made as a joke with a smile on both our faces. Thanks for sharing; visiting from Mom 2 Mom link-up!

  2. We are often considered a large family with four kids (we lost one in between also.) We get the looks and the questions- Are they all yours? Even with only four, somehow folks think we must be crazy.
    Myth#4- I actually had a lady at my church inform me very firmly that she would never have more than her two kids because she couldn't give them all the attention they needed and because she thought it was wrong when all these big families made their older kids help care for the little ones.

  3. Love this! I am the oldest of six, and my hubby is the youngest of nine! We have heard it all as we grew up! LOVE big families and see the blessings of coming from a large family especially now that we are all grown! :-) My hubby and I hear all the time when are you having another, you have to keep up with your parents! :-) I would love for you to share this post up to my new link party Making Memories Mondays going on now!

  4. We have eight, and honestly lately I've not wanted to tell people how many children I have because I'm so tired of the predictable comments. The one I hate the most is that I must be a supermom. Just because I have eight children does not mean that I know everything about being a mom and that I get it right every time - just ask my children. It's nice to know I'm not alone in hearing silly comments.

  5. As my kids get older I receive fewer and fewer comments, mostly just confused, "Wait, I though he was your son. This one is too? And that one? Oh, and the little one is yours? But not the girl with him, right? But I thought your daughter was in college. Oh. Wait, how many kids do you have?" (just six)

  6. I'm the oldest of six, and my husband is the oldest of seven - we love big families! We have heard all of these myths before too. We have 3 right now (just adopted our son last week! :) and pray we can have a large family too. Will you pray for us? We struggle with infertility. We pray that we accept God's will and that we accept whatever number of children He sends us, even if it's not as many as we'd like. I just love this post...and you have a beautiful family. Stopping by from the Mom 2 Mom link up! -Jess
    Sweet Little Ones

  7. As a a mom of 5 children, I really enjoyed this post. Thank you for sharing your heart. And the myths! I would love for you to join my linkup sometime at Blessings.



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