Thursday, March 12, 2015

How Do We Announce Such A Happy Occasion??

How Do We Announce Such
A Happy Occasion?

I will never forget that memorable morning; we were just hangin' out.
Her kids & mine.

We chatted & caught up on all that was going on.
The good, the bad & ugly that life so often throws our way.

Nearing the end of our rendez vous, I mentioned in passing that I was
well, uh, "late".

She told me I just HAD to buy 'the' test & & of course text her immediately upon
learning said results.

I sort of giggled to fluff it off...said I didn't really want to know.

Too. much. going. on...
Bad. timing.
Couldn't. be. possible. 

But a dollar store isn't too far out of the way, and
their tests are fairly accurate.

I stopped on the way home, and
once there it wasn't long til I was in the bathroom.

Those famous two dark lines.
Darker than any I've ever experienced with my prior pregnancies.

I must be farther along than I thought even possible.

What am I going to do??
This was not my timing.
Doesn't seem the right time at all.

Probably 2-4 years apart; yep that was our plan.
Six kids, like we had always dreamed together.

But then life happened.

Add in that number 5 was THE most difficult pregnancy
I had ever experienced, and well, you have a recipe of 
why I told hubs, I'm sorry, but NO more!

I don't care what we said. Five is good :)

Add in the fact that our finances were wilting
under very unexpected expenditures...

And that we had been going through a grueling season
of testing with our children.
With our extended family..

In summary: life had hit us hard.

I was already feeling stretched more than ever before.

No, this wasn't the right time.

Fast forward a week ish later.
Signs of impending miscarriage started.
Some spotting & the like.
Cramps, etc.

I was sure that this baby wasn't viable and probably 
would pass soon.
Felt such mixed emotions...

Grief, and guilt (for being so scared)
& sort of relief...
(I feel so horrible writing that, but I have to be honest)

I meet my midwife for tea.
I update her on my life.
We chat & then I tell her the news.

DIY building block people for children! Six adorable girls and boys to mix and match.

We book a dating ultrasound in about a month.
I tell myself we'll wait & see what's really going on.
The pregnancy symptoms don't seem very strong, so who knows what's going
on in my womb??

A month later & I see a little flicker.
A heart beat of hope & a wee one full of promise.

Then more 'fun' news...

Placenta didn't form properly.
Not to worry. Common, but still risks.

Baby may have Tri-18.
We need more tests.

We didn't see the back bone at that last ultrasound...
We found the head was less than 5% average...too small.
Could be due to placental issue.

More financial strains.
More stress with the children.
Seeking out help from trusted loved ones.

Feeling so alone.

 life unplanned

I tell more trusted friends & family.
They check in on me.

I go for multiple ultrasounds.

Some days I'm FULL of faith & all worry dissipates.
Other days I feel like the waves of life are crashing over me.

One day, I'm driving home.
I see a sunset.
Red sky, sailors delight right?

I feel a small voice inside me whisper, "It's going to be okay Rachael."
I recognize His comforting voice.
I feel relief.

And in that moment the fear subsides.
Just for that moment it totally disappears.

It does return many a night to haunt me,
but I begin to 'fight back'.

I get into the Word daily.
I journal.
I go & speak to those who I can trust.

I won't let it overwhelm me like it has in the past.

I won't give up.

Hubs & I pick out a name that is fitting.
(we learn it's another boy...yay!)

Means "Gift of God"

I give myself the luxury of allowing some joy to creep in.
Baby is going to be okay, isn't he?

I keep praying. Day, night. sometimes I sound
like a 'nut job'.

Hubs & I are working with our children.
We're making plans & implementing changes.

Life gets a bit easier.

Finally it seems the stress begins to crack.
All of a sudden, prayers begin to be answered!

Our last two ultrasounds show baby is healthy
& at a 90% growth rate! What?!

Total turnaround.


Then we hear that some of our outside financial pressures
are subsiding as well.

Our children begin to turn corners.

Life is not perfect, but I truly feel released to rejoice!

So finally, on the blog...

& we're super excited!

He'll be here within the month.

& don't worry, they'll be pics :)

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  1. Looking forward to Nathanael's arrival~!! xoxox

  2. Congrats and glad to hear things are turning around! My baby's name is Nathaniel too (just different spelling)!

    1. Thanks so much CJ! It's a great name, isn't it?

  3. I love the name! I've been on this roller coaster before. The not knowing can tear you apart inside, it was only him that kept me from sinking. All those stand still weeks between appointments, sometimes with good news on the way, and sometimes bad. And then the guilt for not knowing before the doctor delivers the news. I felt like "im the mom, i should have better intuition here!" Irrational, i know, but it's hard to think rationally when there's a baby involved.

    Im not a big fan of life changing surprises, but babies certainly are the sweetest package they could come in!

    1. I hear certainly is a roller coaster, especially with all the pregnancy hormones involved!

      From talking to other Mamas who have also experienced this, it seems to be the same for all of us: the not knowing, and the continuous up & downs can become so emotionally draining...glad we're almost at the end.

      & yes, you're absolutely right. This life lesson was another good reminder to me, that babies are the BEST surprises in life :)

  4. I'm so happy for you! - was on the edge of my seat reading this. Just so glad it's all good news!

    1. Thanks so much!! Appreciate you stopping by & commenting on the blog :)

  5. What wonderful news, congratulations, may God bless you and keep you safe through the birth and may your little one be a blessing to you all. xxxx

  6. Just found you from IG. Congratulations on your newest blessing, how exciting!

  7. Congratulations!! So exciting! Found you through Mom 2 Mom Mondays. :)



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