When Motherhood Hurts

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When Motherhood Hurts

Before you were conceived, I wanted you.

Before you were born, I loved you.

Before you were an hour, I would die for you.

This is the miracle of life.

-Maureen Hawkins

(Photos Courtesy of Little Red Suitcase, Hamilton, Ontario)

Why does motherhood have to (sometimes) hurt so badly?

Why is it that from the time our children take their first

step, or go for that first sleepover, 

or head off on that first week of overnight camp...

Oh, why do our hearts have to walk around 

on the outside of us??

______________________

I have coffee with a few mentors 

every now & then.

When I can snag a free night out.

These ladies are all so dear to me.

And have walked this motherhood thing out.

I share my recent triumphs, alongside the struggles.

I ask this one in particular about 

one of her grown children...

A hesitation seems to precede the 

answer that we both know is coming:

this one is not yet serving the Lord.

__________________________

Here is a mother who has been serving the Lord

faithfully since her children were young.

A family that is of good repute in her community,

and together with her spouse,

 has done a wonderful job raising their young.

You can see the fine investment 

in all of her children...a job well done.

But that one...

Serving Christ?

Nope, not yet.

This is actually part of various conversations,
  I've had with more than one parent...

Motherhood is more than a stage—
it’s a lifelong calling from God.
With it He gives us hearts that love deeply,
hands that serve tirelessly, and vision to see
His blossoming image in the precious ones
entrusted to our care.

Unknown

______________________

I sit & reflect about this week's events.

Stories featured in the media that make
all Christian parents sound like monsters...

All based on choices of a few.

And then the question is asked,

"Why even bother?"

It isn't stated exactly.

But that is what many of the 

commentors are implying.

"Do you think sheltering your children from the world will do any good?"

"Why on earth would you try to instill in them these "unrealistic" morals?"

"Why do you think you're better than everyone else? See you're not!"

"You 'Christians' are all hypocrites!"

No point in trying so hard...

when you really end up no better & actually

are perceived much worse.

But is that an accurate thought process?
...particularly when it comes to parenting?

______________

When my children were little, 

They had many, many firsts.

There were the typical & happy firsts:

-first step

-first word

-first hug

-first day of school

But then there were the 'other' list of firsts:

-first time to hit another child
-first time to lie

-first time to get a detention

-first time to talk back

and the worst one...hands down:

The first time they broke their mother's heart.

So far it's happened with each one of them.
Well any of them that's over the age of five,
I should add.

Some multiple times.

& I'm not proud to say this...
but I did this MANY times to my own parents...
many moons ago...

_________________

The worst one, was when

I was probably around 13 or 14 years old.

My family was pretty easy going,

in terms of discipline.

Especially my Mama.

My sweet Mom had a soft spot for

her children...and unfortunately we all

knew  where the best place to 'squeeze' it was.

Sometimes SO much, until it burst.

I was a 'wild' tween & teenager.

I can't blame anything in particular, but

I do recall a few specific incidents that

sorta changed me...

hardened my heart.

Rejection. Hurt. Betrayal.

Sin.

People around me that let me down.

Friends. Boys. School Experiences.

So I started 'acting out'.

One day my sweet Mama found my diary...

And even though my Mom has always been

pretty calm...that day, I knew I had gone too far.

She didn't do or say very much.

But I knew then.

I had broken my Mama's heart in teeny tiny pieces that day...

She now knew the truth about her daughter.

Oh, Mom, how I wish I could go back & change things!

_____________________

Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22: 6

We know that more than anything, children need a good example.

Simple positive routines can help set our children up for 

a bright future.

But even with all that, with doing everything 'right',
even when parents put 100% into
this parenting gig, & give bleed out their very soul....

 Is there absolutely

ANY 100% guarantee that our children will turn out ok??

Or does, perhaps, the bible teach that
our precious children have
that little factor called,  "free will".

_________________

 "The soul who sins shall die."
Ezekiel 18: 4b

The bible teaches that one day every single one of us,

(And I mean EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON)

will stand before God & give account for our lives.

So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.
Romans 14:12

And for Christians parents, our dearest question is:

"If I do 'x', will my child serve Christ?"

If I follow these people, will my children turn out okay?
If I buy/read these books will my children turn out okay?
If I go to this church, will my children turn out okay?

I hate to break it to you...but not necessarily.

There are no guarantees.

_______________________


Instead there IS a God who loves us...
& He offers to help us with the children He's given us.

There is a love story He's given us (bible)
 that is chock FULL of promises to cling
to, & we can talk to Him about any particular
parenting issue that arises (prayer).

And the best part is, IF we have truly invited Christ to be our
Master, there is a 'GPS' parenting system available
to come guide us from the inside out (the Holy Spirit).

& He is MORE THAN willing
to lead us step-by-step.

Even when all looks hopeless...

Even when all isn't turning out the way you thought it would.

Remember: if your Mama heart is broken,
the story is not over yet.

______________________

Can I ask you a question today?

One that I have been reflecting on
quite a lot these days...

What is the 'x' in your life that you are looking to?
As a parent, what 'system' are you  idolizing in your life?

Cuz even if our kids:

-go to the best schools (or homeschool)
-or have the most amazing well-behaved friends
-and attend the best churches
-and have mentors galore
-and live in the 'best' neighbourhood...


There is ONE thing they need more than anything else...

To encounter a Living God who loves them.

And we can't 'force' them to do that...
even with the best intentions.

___________________

What CAN we do then?

We CAN: pray, help, support, guide, model,
encourage, correct, discipline, act purposefully etc. etc.

But at the end of the day,
after we've done all that & more,
and on those days when things
aren't looking the way we had hoped...

We Stand.
We Wait.
We Hope.

We Surrender The Burden To Him.

______________________

Listen, I'm come to the conclusion in my life
that I don't think we should look wholly to any

'system' in our lives for parenting any longer.

What we've tended to do is create 'systems',
with their rules & their structure & their comfort...

to replace a living, breathing dynamic
relationship with

Christ.

And instead we should be sharing life 
with our children as we walk that out.

The heart of a Mother is a deep abyss 

at the bottom of which you will always find FORGIVENESS.

-Honore De Balzac

And trust Him if the storms should come...

And stand together with other parents should they
have to weather their own storms...

One day at a time.
One step at a time.

He will be our guide.
______________


One of my fellow bloggers touched this sensitive topic 
beautifully in her article "You Can't Keep Sin Out"

Feel free to share your respectful
comments below. I'd love to hear your thoughts!

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