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What If I'm Not Good Enough As A Parent:
What Then??
Feed them breakfast. Pack their lunches.
Run 'em to soccer practice.
Don't forget to put the crock pot on.
Read a bedtime story. Say the prayers...
Repeat.
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Sometimes it would seem that if we were to condense
all parenting advice into a manual, all that'd be contained
would be a LONG list of do's & don't's.
Does anyone else ever feel this way??
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For many years, I've struggled with
comparing myself to other parents.
Both seasoned and newbies.
It didn't matter.
& looking at my children, and making an assessment.
Not an informative assessment... as in which character traits we're currently working on.
(Although I do try to do that from time to time.)
But one that grades my self-worth.
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If the kids are all doing great, then I should give myself
an "A", or perhaps start a speaking tour or something.
If the kids are struggling, even if it's just one of them,
maybe I shouldn't even leave the house this morning....
keep my struggles to myself...
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As think as long as I live, I may have to battle
that perfectionist type of thinking.
As a first-born & Type A that is.
However, I sense there's something much deeper going
on in our culture.
I believe we've subscribed to a bunch of parenting philosophies that
champion a 'check list' mentality.
In order to get the
result that we desire, we do 'x' to get 'y'.
The result is (hopefully) outwardly compliant children
that give us our pride & self-worth!
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I think it's time for a parenting revolution.
Let me preface this to say:
I'm not advocating throwing out the baby with the bathwater!!!
The training of children to listen & respond to us.
The social cues we instill.
Minding their "p's & q's".
using their talents faithfully, and all the wonderful principles outlined in the bible
(NOTE: I've attached various scriptures above^ to principles if you need examples)
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However, I've actually been challenged by the Lord over the last while,
to parent, not out of fear or legalism (as I'd previously been doing),
but to parent out of His grace, and His love.
So while, I'm definitely not throwing out discipline
& consequences for negative behaviour,
I am learning a new way to leading our children to the cross...
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What does this mean exactly?
Actually, this method of parenting by grace is not a new way after all...
it's the way of generations of believers before us.
It's understanding that if our parenting amounts to no more than teaching our children
a code or morality, as Christ followers, we're entirely missing the point.
Instead, the primary goal is to lead them to the cross of Calvary.
The cross where they, like ourselves, will receive freedom & forgiveness of sin.
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What's been on my reading shelf lately, and has
helped to lead me (in part) to focus more of
God's grace in my parenting?
It's this OUTSTANDING parenting book:
I highly recommend it as a great addition to your book library.
Scripture packed & full of illustrations, the authors
here advocate that families need to bring the cross into their parenting skill set.
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Now, I want to reiterate,
I am a "not good enough parent" myself.
I could share a library of stories containing my own parenting failures...
But here's a list of a few:
*losing my temper with my children
*forgetting an important event of my child's
*fighting with my spouse in front of the kids
*showing them lack of compassion to someone genuinely in need
*missing symptoms in their life of a serious issue, until it blew up in my face...
The list could go on & on!
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But here's what I'm learning to do...
So, parents, how do we do this practically?
2. Jesus will forgive our genuine repentance, so we forgive ourselves.
3. When we need to, we ask our children to forgive us for our failures. This also
models to them that they too are important members of the family.
Remember: the goal is for each one of our children to experience His salvation, and from
there, to cultivate their own relationship with the Lord.
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What about you: how have you failed as a parent, and how
will you show yourself more grace?
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