Sunday, April 24, 2016

I'm not a "good enough" parent...now what??


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What If I'm Not Good Enough As A Parent:

What Then??


Feed them breakfast. Pack their lunches.

Run 'em to soccer practice.

Don't forget to put the crock pot on.

Read a bedtime story. Say the prayers...

Repeat.

__________________

Sometimes it would seem that if we were to condense
all parenting advice into a manual, all that'd be contained
would be a LONG list of do's & don't's.

Does anyone else ever feel this way??

_____________

For many years, I've struggled with
comparing myself to other parents.

Both seasoned and newbies.

It didn't matter.

& looking at my children, and making an assessment.

Not an informative assessment... as in which character traits we're currently working on.

(Although I do try to do that from time to time.)

But one that grades my self-worth.

______________

If the kids are all doing great, then I should give myself
an "A", or perhaps start a speaking tour or something.

If the kids are struggling, even if it's just one of them,
maybe I shouldn't even leave the house this morning....
keep my struggles to myself...

________________

As think as long as I live, I may have to battle
that perfectionist type of thinking.

As a first-born & Type A that is.

However, I sense there's something much deeper going
on in our culture.

I believe we've subscribed to a bunch of parenting philosophies that
champion a 'check list' mentality.

In order to get the 
result that we desire, we do 'x' to get 'y'.

The result is (hopefully) outwardly compliant children 
that give us our pride & self-worth!




________________


I think it's time for a parenting revolution.

Let me preface this to say:

I'm not advocating throwing out the baby with the bathwater!!!

The training of children to listen & respond to us.

The social cues we instill.

Minding their "p's & q's".


using their talents faithfully, and all the wonderful principles outlined in the bible


(NOTE: I've attached various scriptures above^ to principles if you need examples)

_______________________

However, I've actually been challenged by the Lord over the last while,
to parent, not out of fear or legalism (as I'd previously been doing),
but to parent out of His grace, and His love.

So while, I'm definitely not throwing out discipline
& consequences for negative behaviour,
I am learning a new way to leading our children to the cross...

__________


What does this mean exactly?

Actually, this method of parenting by grace is not a new way after all...
it's the way of generations of believers before us.

It's understanding that if our parenting amounts to no more than teaching our children
a code or morality, as Christ followers, we're entirely missing the point.

Instead, the primary goal is to lead them to the cross of Calvary.

The cross where they, like ourselves, will receive freedom & forgiveness of sin.


_______________

What's been on my reading shelf lately, and has
helped to lead me (in part) to focus more of
God's grace in my parenting?

It's this OUTSTANDING parenting book:





I highly recommend it as a great addition to your book library.

Scripture packed & full of illustrations, the authors
here advocate that families need to bring the cross into their parenting skill set.
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Now, I want to reiterate,
I am a "not good enough parent" myself.

I could share a library of stories containing my own parenting failures...

But here's a list of a few:

*losing my temper with my children

*forgetting an important event of my child's

*fighting with my spouse in front of the kids

*showing them lack of compassion to someone genuinely in need

*missing symptoms in their life of a serious issue, until it blew up in my face...

The list could go on & on!


___________________

But here's what I'm learning to do...






So, parents, how do we do this practically?



2. Jesus will forgive our genuine repentance, so we forgive ourselves.

models to them that they too are important members of the family.




Remember: the goal is for each one of our children to experience His salvation, and from 
there, to cultivate their own relationship with the Lord.





______________


What about you: how have you failed as a parent, and how
will you show yourself more grace?

________________



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5 comments:

  1. Great post! Grace, Grace, Grace...amazing Grace...truly all is Grace...we love much because we have been loved much by the finished work of Christ on the cross...many blessings to you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for linking up with the Art of Home-Making Mondays at Strangers & Pilgrims on Earth! I think (rather KNOW) that we all fall short in parenting which is what leads us back into His arms again and again for help! Thanks for the encouragement :)

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  3. In my early years of being a mother, I had a short temper and said and did things I regret. God was good and gracious and my older children don't remember the crazy mom. My youngest is 11 and autistic. I believe God gave me this child to teach and mold me. In raising him, I ask myself daily, "What is love is the answer to all questions?" I am much more patient today than 20 years ago, and I know it is all due to the Holy Spirit guiding and teaching me. My prayer is all mommas come to this knowledge of the Grace of God.

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  4. I was not always a patient and kind mother, but my children are grown and they have forgiven me. Your post is delightful and honest and I loved it. Thank you for sharing with us here at Tell me a Story.

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  5. I love the idea of raising our children with grace. We often fall into the default legalism mode but that does not help. That's the kind of training I got and it wasn't all that good for me. I grew up with low self-esteem. At a point, I didn't even know who I was. So, I have decided not to make the same mistake with my kids. I have no problem apologising to them. They are people too and I've got to respect them.

    ReplyDelete

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